College Process

I knew the college process was going to be stressful because where I went depended on money. During the college process, I thought that I would be a strong applicant, but my ACT and SAT's said otherwise. I remember feeling defeated after seeing the scores the schools I wanted to apply to required and the scores I had. That's when my college counselor told me that scores didn't really matter for "people like me". That because I had made it to Loomis, I was already at a higher advantage than other black kids my age. She told me that schools would look at my background and understand that I was not as privileged as other students who got SAT/ACT prep for years and can take the standardized tests as many times as they wanted. Although I knew she said all those things to encourage me to see myself as a strong applicant with a unique background, it only made me feel angry. I was angry that I wasn't smart enough to catch up and surpass my peers in the 4 years of high school, I was angry that schools would be looking at me as a charity case, and I was angry that I was in this perpetuous cycle where I felt like no mattered how hard I worked I was always 3 steps behind my more privileged peers.